When I was 21, I met an Italian boy during a stay in Rome. Alfredo was tall and slim. He cared about how he dressed and would often check his appearance in the mirror. I teased him because I thought that even for women blatant personal vanity was undesirable.
In the day, Alfredo wore designer sunglasses and looked the part of the Italian Romeo or Casenova, if you like. One evening before going out together, I noticed that he was wearing eye make-up.
At first I thought it odd but then I thought that film stars wear make-up. I decided that it was a compliment that the man I was with had gone to the effort of making himself attractive. It's a shame that more men don't spend time and money on making the most of their looks.
Men often assume that it is only women who need to attract a lover. Dressing attractively is strongly associated with women and gays (who both dress to attract men), so many straight men see their disregard for their looks as a sign of their male sexuality.
Although women's sexual arousal (having a clitoral erection) does not result from seeing an attractive man (as a man's might from seeing a woman's body), they do appreciate a lover who looks sexy. It's also a sign of respect towards your lover – how else will a man encourage his woman to jump on him from time to time?
Women may dress provocatively in order to attract male attention but they expect to be able to accept the attentions only of the man they want. This sexual behavior can be highly misleading to men who assume that women are indicating a general enthusiasm for sexual pleasure. This tendency for men to misinterpret women's motivations explains why, in more conservative societies, women have to cover up their bodies more than we do in the West.
Men often don't understand that when you are an attractive woman you get a great deal of attention when you look good. It's not just men that notice. Women dress up and make themselves up as much to be noticed and admired by other women as by men. After all it's probably a given that a man will notice an attractive woman whatever she wears.
But women assess another woman's looks much more critically than any man does. So when a woman dresses provocatively it is more about competing with other women according to feminine values of attractiveness than about appealing sexually to men. For example, men would not necessarily define their ideal woman in terms of the fashion industry e.g. skeletally thin.
I have never felt it necessary to dress in a sexually provocatively way. I am lucky to be naturally attractive so I have never had a problem being able to attract the men I want. Men don't always appreciate women's use of make-up and my male lovers have been pleased that I don't wear it. I didn't see the point in encouraging yet more passing compliments and advances from men.
Consequently I am always amazed when women claim to be unaware of the effect that the sight of their body can have on a man. Perhaps they have difficulty understanding because women do not become sexually aroused (get an erection) at the sight of a naked male body. In fact, most women probably prefer to see a man dressed in a style that indicates his social status – e.g. James Bond in black tie evening suit and Richard Gere in 'Officer and a Gentleman'.
Men often assume that women respond as men do but male sexuality is very different to female sexuality. Women are not fascinated by genitals, either their own or those of the opposite sex. It's almost as if genitals do not exist. Or if they do the connection is with going to the bathroom. After puberty, men's sexual reaction to nudity is so strong that they imagine somehow that women experience something similar. Sorry, but no.
Jane Thomas: Author http://WaysWomenOrgasm.org and http://Nosper.com.